Okay, so I finally caved and bought these Zerogrand Oxfords after staring at them for months. Here's the tea:

First impression? GORGEOUS. The brown leather has this rich, 'I-cost-more-than-I-actually-did' vibe. The brogue detailing makes me feel fancy but the sneaker-like sole keeps it chill.

Now the drama: SIZE ISSUES. I'm normally a solid 10, but these feel like clown shoes. Should've listened to those reviews saying to size down. My toes are doing the cha-cha slide in there. Pro tip: order a half size smaller unless you enjoy the 'slipper experience'.

Comfort level? 10/10. Wore them straight out the box for a 12-hour day and my feet didn't mutiny. That EVA footbed is like walking on supportive clouds.

Style points? Off the charts. Got compliments from my boss, the barista, and even my judgy sneakerhead nephew. They somehow work with both chinos and jeans - magic!

Final verdict: If you nail the size (seriously, SIZE DOWN), these might be the perfect hybrid dress shoe. Just maybe don't gift them - apparently the boxes arrive looking like they went through a war zone.