Okay, so I caved and bought this Alpha Groot Funko because... well, look at him! That grumpy little twig face had me at hello.

The size is perfect for my already overcrowded desk (RIP productivity). At around 3.75 inches, he fits right between my coffee-stained keyboard and a half-dead succulent. The vinyl feels sturdy enough to survive my occasional desk-flailing when coding goes wrong.

Paint job's decent - from normal viewing distance you can't see the tiny imperfections. Though mine does this hilarious slow-motion faceplant if I bump the desk too hard. Guess even cosmic trees need better balance training!

Pro tip: The packaging arrived mint condition, which matters way more than it should for an adult buying plastic dolls. A+ for Amazon not using it as a football during shipping.

Final verdict? 10/10 would recommend to fellow Guardians fans or anyone who needs more sass in their collectibles. I AM GROOT (and now so is my desk).